Toilet Etiquette
Jul 17th, 2008 by squizzmaster
Okay, here’s something I know everyone has their own different take on but I’ve discussed aspects of toilet etiquette with friends time and time again and I’m so sick of dirty shit germ infected people putting my well being at constant risk. Here is my take on having a shit germ free day.
- If available always take a cubicle or urinal that maximizes the amount of space between yourself and other patrons. Call me pedantic, but I’m not a huge fan of standing next to other guys with our peni**s hanging out. As far as cubicles go, though I know I can’t escape the overall smell of shit, I’d rather not have a front row seat.
- If you are the only person using the facilities, choose one of the cubicle/urinals on either end of the queue. This maximizes the options for other potential patrons to choose spots appropriately. The only reason for taking a urinal in the middle is if you want someone to stand next to you with their peni**s hanging out
- There’s something particularly not cool about sitting inches away from another person who is taking a crap. Therefore, particularly if you are in an office environment, if only cubicles with two people on either side are available, I suggest you leave and return in 5-10 minutes unless it is truly urgent. This is better for all parties involved
- For god’s sake, do NOT consume food or drinks in the toilet. You may as well be eating shit itself if you do
- Do not take things like papers to read into the toilet. When you do, shit germs are transferred to the reading items which transfer the germs to other people and surfaces. Why would you want to carry a piece of rolled up shit back to your desk? Why?
- Do not pick up items left in the bathroom by other people; it will have their shit germs on them. Why would you want to pick up someone’s shit germs?
- Just because you’re in a cubicle with four walls, doesn’t mean other people can’t hear you. Try to keep the sound of your shit leaving your arse to a minimum.
- Wash your hands when you’re done like you’re a dentist about to perform dental surgery. If you have shit germs on your hands they will make their way to your mouth and in some way, other people’s mouths also.
- They say keyboards are the most unhygienic things in the world. You know why? It’s because people have shit germs on their hands when they type. If you don’t have shit germs on your hands to begin with, then you won’t get shit germs on your keyboard! Simple!
- If hand papers are available, use them to open the bathroom door. Washing your hands is kind of pointless if you get shit germs on your hands from the bathroom door on your way out.
Related:
Toilet Water Anyone?